Do you define your friends or Do they define you?

 

Have you heard of the sayings?

Show me who your friends are and I can tell you who you are? 

or

The top 5 people you spend the most time with is a reflection of you, this also extends to your views of money, relationships, communications, values etc..

 

When I was in my late teens I thought the idea of being judged based on my friendships was ridiculous mainly because my grandmother, that would quote me saying this, was extremely judgmental. We all have a super judgmental person in the family, that their intentions are to help but their execution is terrible.

As I got older, and was dealing with lots of transition in my life, I came across a group of people in the self-help world that would teach about the 9 Foundations of Life, and the importance of surrounding yourself with people that have the lifestyle you desire to have. This is where the saying “you are a reflection of the top 5 people you spend the most time with” stems from and this blew my mind! Not because it was the first time I’ve heard it but because it finally clicked and made sense to me. It was time to de-clutter my friendships and family members. Yes, family falls into this category. So, I can start shifting my perspective of what I wanted versus getting bad advice from others that their lives full of debt, drama, drugs, and bad decisions. I was a single mother with a toddler and a teenage sister that I had gotten full custody of; I knew in order for me to show them a better life I had to uplift myself start to live a life I knew I wanted and that they deserved… “I had to be the change I wished to see in the world,” and it started with my internal world. This is when my healing journey of SELF LOVE started. It wasn’t pretty. I was viewed as being selfish and cold-hearted but I had to constantly remind myself this is about what I need, and my kids need, and that is more important than anything. When you start the journey of self-love, putting healthy boundaries on people that used to step all over you, they sure as hell don’t like it because they can’t control you anymore. I learned through the years the more I stand in my power the more others, and my children, realize what that looks like so they welcome in good people with quality, support and respect. They learn how to create win-win relationships vs people that take. Being in a place of growth can sometimes be sad because of how many old friends you leave behind… but it puts you in a better place to surround yourself with positive and great influential people that make a difference in the world.

As I started to visualize the kind of friends I wanted in my life, and how it felt to have those friends God, the Universe or whatever you believe in, started welcoming those people into my life. I got to meet some amazing people, paying it forward and really making an impact on the world. They were walking their talk and they were so full of love, it was a beautiful experience. So many doors had open for me and then a magical thing happened: Feng Shui was introduce into my life.

My first mentor gave me the best advice I could ever ask for:

NEVER TAKE ADVICE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS, MONEY, ETC. FROM SOMEONE THAT DOESN’T HAVE THE LIFESTYLE YOU WANT TO HAVE “This includes family”.

Exercise Visualizing the Top 5 people you will spend the most time with:

“Remember this won’t happen overnight. The deeper in you go on your journey of self-love will sometimes change your friendships. It’s a part of the growth processes” 

1. Grab a piece of paper or journal

2. Play soft instrumental music to get you in the zone “YouTube is great”

3. Make a list of what a friend is to you

4. Make a list of what is acceptable and not acceptable to you in a friendship 

5. Make a list of what you want in a friend, and how they make you feel in the relationship.

“Maybe it’s support, encouragement, being understood, etc.”

6. How do YOU make this new friend feel in the relationship? 

7. Close your eyes and envision the relationships you currently have with friends and family that fit in the category of what’s not acceptable to you in this relationship. Tell them “thank you” for all the lessons they have taught you and see yourself letting them go and sending them love as they walk away. “The people you are letting go out of your life aren’t bad people, they are just heading in a different path and journey then you. In order to make room for new support you got to let go of the old to welcome in the new”

8. If you are experiencing guilt and fear, you can ask yourself why and write about it on this piece of paper to have a better understanding in what area of life you need to heal or go deeper when it comes to relationships.

9. After you energetically release the old relationships, close your eyes and envision the new relationships you are cultivating. What does it feel like to be around them? What do you do together? How is your life starting to shift? Try to invoke your 5 senses to make it as real as possible.